It’s hard to believe that yet another year has come and gone. Here we are in December now. Thanksgiving is over – Christmas is just weeks away…then it’s on to New Years – 2009! Wow! Where did it all go?
I always get a bit melancholy at this time of year, remembering the early part of my life when the holidays actually meant something. I seem to have a problem getting back into the spirit of anything – especially since the holidays have gotten so commercialized. It’s all become “just another day”.
Living here in South Florida, as I have for the past 33 years, I’ve become de-sensitized and jaded to the whole affair. I mean come on…how can you get in the Christmas spirit with visions of sugar plum fairies dancing around all looped up, exiting Dolphin stadium just after a losing game?
Then there’s the thing about Santa showing up with no snow. Welcome to winter in Miami. They don’t even bother with “fake” snow anymore – not even for the Orange Bowl parade – only inside television production studios while recording episodes of “Que Pasa USA?” How do you say “Oy Vey” in Spanish?
We don’t have too many “sidewalk” Santas standing on street corners ringing their bells here anymore either – all the winos chased them away. Besides, who would want to be dressed in the hottest costume in the world – complete with beard and vinyl “go go” boots, sweating their genitals off under the humid South Florida skies? Ho! Ho! Ho! my butt…hand me the Coppertone and roll me over…the water’s fine…thank you very much…I think I’ll go for a swim.
One year I watched Santa land from a helicopter into a parking lot, minus Donner, Blitzen and the rest of the crew – only to be quickly whisked away to the comfort of a waiting indoor air conditioned mall. How unconventional is that? (Psst: Don’t tell the kids his beard wasn’t on straight, and he was holding a bottle. His nose was also redder than Rudolph’s.)
Now don’t get me wrong…we need a little of that holiday cheer around here. It might just be the thing for disgruntled shoppers as they chaotically make their way to the nearest store, spreading a little of their own good will, in the form of “road rage” – to get folks in a not so “Merry Xmas” mood.
Here’s a question:
Is it safer to get trampled to death, like one unfortunate soul did recently at Walmart, while attempting to make your way inside to save a dollar on cheaply made Chinese goods that you’re going to throw away later anyway? Or dodge the onslaught of crazy psycho drivers on I-95, as they decide that YOU are next on THEIR list of “disposables”.
Stop the insanity already! Bah Humbug! I’ve decided that my letter to Santa this year will include a copy of all the reasons why I think being “naughty” might be “nice”. I mean after all why not? Being naughty is the name of the game here. So I say, why stress yourself out? If you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em!
Let’s see now…where’d I put that AK-47? As a matter of fact, forget the traditional celebration of Jesus’ birth. I know a nice Dunkin’ Doughnuts I can rob – while I beat up the people inside. Ah yes…let’s show ‘em the TRUE spirit of Christmas…South Florida Style. Se Habla Espanol.
To be continued…
